I felt the urge to write in English today, maybe because I miss the 6-pages-long civilization essays from college... oh wait. The real reason though is that I find it easier to write in English, somehow it translates my thoughts better than French and I will forever find this really weird.
~ désolée pour ceux qui ne comprennent pas l'anglais ~
Anyway, I wanted to talk (once again) about one of my favorite subjects (nope) a.k.a. me being unnable to find a fucking job. I was never one for ambition. I went through highschool not knowing what the hell I was doing there, hating pretty much every minute of it. Then I went to university and the same thing happened.
I love to learn new things. I used to read scientific magazines when I was 8 or 9 and I read books at a supersonic speed. School gradually took that passion away from me. I did find a lot of subjects interesting, but I never really chose to learn all those things. To me it always felt like the important thing were the marks and not the enjoyment I took out of the courses. I never had any trouble with marks, I was always the average-to-good-student-who-could-do-so-much-better-with-more-involvement. But I never wanted to get more involved. I hated the way school taught things. I stopped reading and writing so much because I HAD TO do these things, and no longer enjoyed it.
I only recently started writing again because I was finally getting away from the education system. From all the things they made us learn in school, I only remember maybe 20% of it, and I am sure I am being generous. And that is a fucking shame.
Back to my topic. I never had the faintest idea of what carreer I wanted to pursue. Truth be told, I don't want to work and I hate that I have to. I hate that pretty much every single person in my life is pressuring me into finding a job. Today I got called for a trial as waitress in a restaurant. I fucking hated it, and I'm not going back. I refuse to be miserable just to add a line on my CV -been there, done that, also I'm miserable enough in my everyday life- and I know I'm going to be blamed for it. People telling me that I should have persevered, that it's just how it is, I'm not always going to do what I want in life - I can hear them from here. Well the thing is, that's not how I want to live my life. Going to work in the morning, fighting each day to keep my head over the water, and only being able to breathe again when I'm home. Thanks, but no thanks.
So I don't really know where I was going with all this, I guess I needed to vent after today. Part of what inspired me to write this article was this video. It is a perfect summary of how I feel about our education system, and even though it's about the US I think it applies to us too.